How You Will Find Her

This is how you will find Bella these days...

only in her diaper, no pony tail, just playing at home.

Matt and I ended up taking turns being home with her on Thanksgving, 

since we didn't think it was a good idea for her to be around a lot of people-right before her treatment.

Luckily she is still young enough that she doesn't really understand Thanksgiving, and she doesn't know what she's missing out on.

I am THANKful today for a lot of things, but especially to have this little sweet girl home with us.

I am thankful to be with those I love.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Treatment

For the past 3 wks, I think it's safe to say we have spent most of our days researching Aplastic Anemia.

I knew when Bella was diagnosed with this, Matt would know anything & everything about it.

The more we researched it, the more we realized that there were more than one option when it came 

to treating Idiopathic Aplastic Anemia.

Bella's Dr.'s have suggested a line of treatment using ATG/Cyclosporine, 

but we wanted to make sure that was the best treatment for her.

ATG/Cyclosporine is the gold standard across the country, and has great outcomes.

But we also found that Johns Hopkins offers a different first line of treatment using High Dose Cytoxin-

which has also had promising results, even though it is more intense up front.

Uncle Craigy has been an amazing help in researching these treatments, and has been so dedicated in

helping us find the right treatment for Bella.

I am so so grateful for him and his love for Isabella, it means more to me than he will ever know!

Matt also found a few clinical trials through the NHI that we found interesting.

With so many options, my mind has been going non-stop...especially at night.

We both felt like we needed to talk to all the different Dr.'s offering different treatments, 

and then taking them and presenting them to Bella's current Dr.'s.

We knew that once we did this, and once we sat down and talked them over-

we would have a better feel as to which one to choose.

I have never been more uncertain and worried about making the right decision.

All of the treatment options have about a 85% chance of working.

The bad news is about 10% relapse, 10% can get Leukemia, and 10% get MDS.

When you think of her relapsing, or getting another blood disease as serious as these, your heart stops.

I think that has been the hardest fact to deal with in all this...not knowing what the outcome will be.

Dr. Fair called us Tuesday morning and told us after reviewing all the treatments and presenting them

to 4 other Oncologists/Hematologists-

the vote was unanimous that the best treatment in their opinions was still ATG/Cyclosporine.

"Patients are put through significant risk of invasive infection and prolonged hospital stays. 

Why do that when the outcomes are similar/better with CSP?ATG?"- BMT doctor.

Dr. Fair once again told us that he felt this was still the best treatment as well, and he felt good about it.

We respect and appreciate his opinion and know he wants whats best for Bella as well.

After hearing this unanimous vote, and reading the reasons from the other doctors, it started giving me peace.

To see ALL the doctors come to the same conclusion was a sign, but I needed to know for MYSELF.

I have felt this all along, that no matter what treatment we did for her, I NEEDED to know it was right.

After talking it over with Matt some more, we both felt peaceful about going down that path.

We knelt and prayed, and asked Heavenly Father if choosing this treatment would be the right thing for Bella.

We felt peace, we felt comfort.  We sat there holding hands, and just waiting.

I have never wanted a more clear answer in my life.  I have never feared an outcome more than this.

As I knelt there waiting,  having faith that I would KNOW, I felt Heavenly Father's arms around me.

He was there comforting me in the hardest trial of my life.

"Do not fear, I am with thee".

Those are the words that were told to me, and those are the words that I will repeat every time I fear.

I know that this is the treatment that is right for Bella.

I know that whatever comes our way, Heavenly Father is with me.

I don't know what next week will bring starting this, and I don't know what the outcome will be...

but I do know that Heavenly Father heard my prayer.  

I know that he is with me, and knowing that I am able to concur my fears.

I have faith that Bella can be and will be healed.

ER

Yesterday started off great...

we celebrated Uncle Craigy's Birthday at our house with the whole family, it was so refreshing!

We also met with Dr. Fair at Primary's and discussed with him the other treatments we have been researching.

Dave, Craig, Matt, and I all met with him and shared all the info and concerns we had.

He was so open minded and was interested in learning more about the HD Cytoxan.

I felt SO much better sharing all the info, and letting her Dr. know what and how we were feeling.

Dr. Fair said he would research it all a little more, review it with the other Oncologists/Hematologists and get back to us.

I left feeling like a huge load had been taken off my shoulders, and knew it was important to hear their opinions.

Bella had been getting more bruises, petechia, and her little mouth started bleeding during the party.

We knew her platelets were low, but the plan was to take her in this morning (Monday morning)

and get her CBC here at AF Hospital, and then they would send the results up to Primary's. 

Well late last night around 10pm, she started getting a bloody nose.

We knew that we needed to watch those carefully, especially if it didn't stop bleeding after a couple hrs.

Well she just kept crying out in her crib "I'm bleeding Mom, I'm bleeding"...she did this off and on for almost 2 hrs.

Finally I went into her room and decided I would bring her in our room.

I picked her up and she started to gag, so I rushed her over to her dresser and she threw up a lot-and it was all bloody.

My heart dropped, I yelled for Matt, and we hurried and called Primary's.

I told the nurse she had just thrown up a bunch of blood, and she asked me if she had a bloody nose.

She then told me that was normal if they have had a bloody nose...

the blood drains down their throat into their stomach-making them nauseous and throwing up.

She said to actually lean her over and pinch the bridge of her nose, trying to help it form a blood clot. 

She said her platelets were most likely REALLY low, and if it didn't stop we would need to take her in.

Well as we sat there in the bathroom, trying to help her nose stop bleeding-she got more and more pale.

She then threw up more blood 3 more times.

She started teetering back and forth, closing her eyes like she was fainting.

We knew right then that she needed help, her little tiny body was shutting down.

We drove as fast as we could to the AF Hospital.

We called Primary's on the way and told them what was happening, and asked them if they could

transfuse her at AF Hospital...they weren't sure, but said they could rush her up to them if they needed to.

It all happened so fast.

Once again, I felt like I was in a dream.

By the time we got to the hospital (less than 5 min away),

she had bled from her nose through an entire hand towel...she was loosing so much blood.

When we arrived they quickly admitted her and started to help her.

They started by giving her liquids through IV, and started cauterizing her nose to help it stop bleeding.

They gave her zofran for the nausea, cause she threw up again when we got in the room.

Her blood pressure was down, and she was the palest I've ever seen her-you couldn't even see her lips.

The ER Dr. came back and told me her platelets were at 2, which is the lowest they have ever been.

She was so out of it.  She was limp in my arms, and there was nothing I could do.

I have never felt so helpless, and so afraid of what I saw.

As tears came down my face, Matt assured me she would be ok.

At this point I REALLY realized how sick our little Bella Mae was.

Up until this point, she has been energetic and her overall appearance has been mostly normal.

When they tell you how serious this disease is, and how she is high risk-

you believe them, but it's hard for it to sink in cause she acts "normal" most of the time.

I knew now what they were talking about.

Without transfusions and antibiotics, our little girl wouldn't be with us.

Once again, what a blessing to have modern day medicine...that we can call and order blood to be transfused.

They had ordered platelets and red blood so she could be transfused, but it would take 2-3 hrs. to arrive.

I wanted to stay with her, so Matt went back home to be with Ty.

I laid there will her all night, and she didn't sleep until 7am when they took the IV out of her hand.

Her blood pressure came up, her nose stopped bleeding, and she started getting color back.

I was so glad that everything went well with the transfusions, and that we could go home.

As I sat there and watched her sleep, holding her tiny little bandaged hand, I couldn't help but think of Christ.

How was Heavenly Father able to watch Christ suffer and die for all of us?

As I sat there and thought of this, and how hard it was just for me to see Bella last night,

I was overwhelmed with love and sympathy for my Heavenly Father, and I KNEW he KNEW how I felt.

He knew and Christ knew cause he personally felt it himself.

What a simple, beautiful glimpse of what the atonement is about.

I was fortunate to have Bella with me, safe and sound...and finally sleeping.

I don't know what else this little girl will have to go through,

but I know she is being watched over, protected, and loved by so many here and in Heaven.

How lucky I was to be with her, and how lucky I am to be her Mom.

Clinic

We headed to the Clinic at Primary's today for a CBC & checkup bright and early.

Bella is just so happy & always so positive...it makes all of this process so much easier.
We are so lucky to have such amazing doctors and nurses, which also make the load of all this lighter.

Her little spirit is just the sweetest, and I'm glad I get to spend my days with her.

{she told everyone that she was a ballerina today}

She ended up not needing a transfusion today (which was nice)...

so we will get her tested again after the weekend.

Princess Tea Party

Nothing in this world could be more magical than a Princess Tea Party,

especially if Cinderella is a surprise guest!

Bella has the cutest, most thoughtful little friends, and she was in heaven at the party.

This was the PERFECT medicine for Bella, especially before she starts treatment.

The girls faces when Cinderella showed up at the front door was priceless...

I will never forget this dreamy day, seeing smiles on Bella's face all day long.

Uncle Craigy

I look at this picture of when Isabella was born & it is no wonder why her 

Uncle Craigy is putting his whole HEART into helping her get better.

I am blessed to call him my brother.

He spends endless hours researching treatments and helping her get better.

He asks about her daily, and prays for her always.

What a blessing he is in her life & in mine!

Love you Craiger

This Gives Me Strength

Morning Tea

There is nothing better than having a morning Tea Party with Daddy after a weekend in the hospital.

What a lucky little girl to have such an amazing, caring, loving Daddy!

He stays with her at night in the hospital, he sings to her at night, and plays with her the instant she asks.

We both are lucky & blessed.

Fevers=Admitted

Any time that Bella has a fever of 101, she is automatically admitted to the hospital...

with absolutely no defense against infection-with any fever they have to assume it could

be a bacterial infection (in case it is) and give her antibiotics through IV.

While she was getting her platelet transfusion, she randomly got a 101 fever and so they admitted her.

Luckily we were already there, and hadn't driven all the way home and have to go back.

These are the little tender mercies that I encounter daily...and I am so grateful for them.

They may seem small, but they make huge differences in our crazy lives.

Tyler wanted to come see her in the hospital, so we let him.

I think he was a little nervous at first, but he loves her so much and just wanted to see her.

She adores him, and was so happy to see him..and show him all her new presents from getting poked.

They both make me so proud, and I couldn't of  been more happy seeing them play together!

Transfusions

We went in today to get a CBC and Bella ended up needing a platelet transfusion.

The hardest part for me is to see her struggle and cry when she gets her IV's put in

aka "pokies"...she'll start crying and say "no pokies, no pokies".

Other than when they are putting them in, she is such a good little thing.

She dances, socializes, and is just overall happy-it saves me in all this...

I can't help but smile, laugh and socialize with her.

Every single Dr. and nurse that meets her, instantly falls in love with her.

I can't blame them.

She amazes me with her strength and energy.

She is so resilient to all of it, for the most part you would never know anything was wrong with her,

other than her bruises and petechia when her platelets get low.

Love her to pieces.

More Answers

Today we got a call from Dr. Fair  saying he had some of the test results back.

Calling him back was so nerve racking, waiting to know what was causing this was SO hard.

He first let us know that Tyler was NOT a match.  I was definitely disappointed, but I knew

from the beginning that if he wasn't it was OK...

and the lesson that I learned from that whole experience

was life changing.  I know that when I explain it to Ty & Bella one day-it will change their lives as well.

Dr. Fair then told us how it was not a Virus, and that they were still waiting to hear back on the Genetic Test.

He was almost positive though that it would come back negative as well, since Bella didn't have any

of the other symptoms from it being that (misshaped features).

So he wanted to move forward as if this was Idiopathic Aplastic Anemia=

which means they don't know whats causing her bone marrow to stop working.

If for some reason the test came back positive, we would change the course of action.

When we hung up the phone, I surprisingly was very calm.  I felt peaceful.

I felt like I knew it would probably turn out this way, and I was glad that we finally had some answers.

I was glad we could finally move forward, and we we're SO grateful that there WAS a treatment for it.

Adore

I LOVE everything about her.

I have appreciated things more lately...the little things.

She is so positive, funny, nurturing, and just a pleasure to be around.

And tutu's are a must every single day!

Feeling Peace

Today has been simple, and simple is perfect.

As I hang out with this little tiny angel all day, I realize how crazy and busy our lives become.

I cherish just being here, in the now with her.  Doing nothing is doing everything...as long as she is with me.

The last few days have been crazy, and it all seems like a dream.

Today though I have felt lighter, I see more clearly, and I KNOW it's all the prayers that are being said for our family.

I have always prayed for others in need, and I know it brings blessings and miracles.

But for the 1st time, others are praying for us-and I have physically felt the power of those prayers.

I have recieved so many texts, messages, and phone calls all saying how they are praying for our family.

I couldn't ask for anything more right now, and I am grateful for amazing family & friends.

I went and renewed my temple recommend tonight, and as I drove past the temple I had to take a picture.

I can't wait to go there and feel peace in all the chaos.  I am so grateful for the temple.

Sasha sent me this quote and I love it, and need it hourly.

"Stay positive, and positive things will happen".

Tyler's Love

I may not know a lot right now about what is causing Bella's condition,

but I DO know one thing...

that I will NEVER forget this moment when Tyler made the choice to be brave and go

get his blood drawn so we can find out if he can be a bone marrow donor for Bella-

if that is the route we have to go down.

He loves her more than anything, and even though he was terrified HE made the choice

on his own to do it.  Even if he is not a match-he has helped her already just by trying.

There are so many lessons I am learning through all of this, and one thing I KNOW is that

the Atonement of Jesus Christ is real and that he did it because he loves us...

just like how Tyler loves Bella.

What an amazing lesson to learn in the middle of heartache and wonder.

How blessed we are to have the Gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives.

Today has been a good day.

Understanding Aplastic Anemia

So today we sat down with Dr. Fair and he discussed with us exactly what Aplastic Anemia is.

There are three types: mediate, severe, and very severe.

They base it on the blood levels of the patient do determine the severity of it.  

Bella's levels are extremely low, having zero white blood cells, and very low red blood cells and platelets...

making her be titled: Very Severe Aplastic Anemia.

Aplastic Anemia is a rare disease where the bone marrow stops working...

not making any of the three blood lines: white, red, platelets.

Her bone marrow should be around 95% for her age, and hers is less than 10%.

There are many different reasons why this can happen, and doing testing is how to eliminate the different causes.

80% of the time, it is Idiopathic...meaning they don't know the cause.

10% could be Genetics, and 10% could be cause by a virus.

So they will be taking her blood and doing these tests to see if any of them come back positive.

So we will be waiting for about a week and a half to hear back from them...which is so hard to do! 

As Dr. Fair explained this all to us, and the treatments that could be used as well as the side effects,

my heart began to sink, and the anxiety and fear began to come back.

I didn't realize how sick she really was, and how there is no sure outcome in any of this.

It is different for every single person, and the side effects are different in each case as well.

I hate uncertainty, and this is one of those diseases where there just is no certainty.

They assume that Bella will fall under the 80% where we won't know the cause of this.

If that is the case, there are 3 standard ways to treat this.

1.  Same sibling bone marrow transplant

2. Immunosupression 

3. Donor bone marrow transplant

We will be testing Tyler when we leave the hospital to see if he is a match for Bella.

It is rare though (1 in 4) that he will be a match.

They do this line of treatment first because replacing her bone marrow with a sibling match 

gives her a 95% of working with no long term side effects and is said to be a "cure".

This is by far the best scenario.

If he is not, they will try immunosuppression therapy and try to suppress her own immune system,

assuming that it is attacking the bone marrow and not making it work.

This has a 85% chance of working, but in the 85%-there is a 10% chance of relapse 2-4yrs. down the road, a 10% chance of her getting Leukemia, and a 10% chance she could get MDS.

The last treatment is a donor, which surprised me, but it's because they can have a lot higher chance

of problems occuring in doing this.  

There is a thing called "graph-host disease" that can occur, as well as long term side effects like Leukemia, MDS, and other blood related diseases.

All of these seem overwhelming to me, and as I heard them it was like I was in a dream-once again.

How were we sitting there discussing something like this?

I know that this is what she has, and I know she is not well, and I know they can help her...

but it is not going to be easy and no one ever likes to see their children suffer and feel well.

My high of highs last night is definitely gone, and I am back to reality.

I am so grateful that is ok, that she does not have cancer, and that she has a loving Heavenly Father

who loves her and knows her better than anyone.

We get to leave the hospital tonight and go home...and I can't wait for us all to be home together!

Tyler has missed Bella so much, and has wanted to come see her.  

We feel as though seeing her in the hospital will just worry him more, 

and that seeing her at home will be the best thing for both of them.

The 1st Day

We arrived at the hospital, and walking in brought back so many memories of when I was admitted

there for my diagnosis of Diabetes-twenty years ago.

I couldn't believe I was going there for my daughter, who most likely had Leukemia.

No one ever thinks that something like "that" can happen to them...

"not me, not my child".

But there I was, terrified.  Not knowing what would happen or how long we would be there.

We were welcomed with the most caring nurses, instantly falling in love with Isabella.

Her spirit is a light, a ray of sunshine, and it's unmistakable. 

Dancing and telling everyone about Halloween was the only thing on her mind.

As I sat there and watched this tiny, perfect little body make every single person in the room fall in love with her,

I couldn't help but smile & cry, tears of happiness and gratefulness that she was mine.

Soon came the pokes, and the tears, and it became all too familiar for me.

A part of me wanted to cry with her, and other part knew I had to be strong for her and help her through it.

I remember my Mom or Dad always being by my side when I was there, and I would do the same for her.

She was so brave, and so cooperative.  She forgave and said "thaaank you" to the nurses.

As the night went on, all of my family showed up...not even hesitating to be there at this hard time.

My heart was filled with gratitude, and the fear and heartache was lightened.

Isabella has no idea how lucky she is to have every single one of them-but one day she will.

They immediately gave her a platelet transfusion, and would get blood in the morning for more testing.

We met one of her doctors, Dr. Fair and talked more about what to expect and the plan.

He was so kind and helpful, we are lucky to have such an amazing doctor to help her!

We all hugged her, said goodbye for then, and her Daddy would stay with her during the night.

Matt has ALWAYS been by her side going to sleep, ever since she was a newborn.

I knew he could handle it, and would be the best comfort to her there.

The night was short, and I didn't sleep hardly at all.

I knew she would be ok, but was scared out of my mind what was to come.

They prepped us that night, telling us how they weren't positive, but in most cases her age-

all the signs and symptoms point to Leukemia.

As I was getting ready to go back to the hospital, I remember looking in the mirror and just bawling.

How was this all real?  How did our lives change so drastically in one day?

How would I be able to handle this?

At that moment, I felt my Grandma Willa's spirit there with me, telling me that it would be ok.

The tears of fear, quickly became tears of relief and I knew I would be able to handle it.

How grateful I am for angels and loved ones on the other side to comfort me in times of need.

Later that morning were told how looking at Bella's blood they could not identify certain Cancer cells.

They needed to actually go into the bone marrow, because sometimes the cancer cells don't leave the bone marrow.

They needed to put her under and get bone marrow from both hips to examine it closer.

Other than her being CRAZY from the anesthesia, the procedure went well.

More waiting was coming our way.  

Asking different people what this could be if it wasn't Leukemia was on our minds.

Every single person we asked (Dr.'s, nurses, etc.) told us that it MOST likely is Leukemia, 

but there is a very rare chance it could be Aplastic Anemia-a bone marrow disease.

But for her age, and her symptoms, it was most likely Leukemia.

I'll never forget being on the phone in the hallway, and one of her Dr.'s- Dr. Fair came up to me.

He said he had been reviewing the bone marrow they had removed, and he just was convinced that

the cells he was seeing in the bone marrow were cancerous cells.

He said he had looked at it so many times, he felt like he was going crazy, so he had brought in other

Dr.'s to look at it  as well, and none of them were positive either.

My heart dropped, and a part of me was excited, but a bigger part of me did not want to be let down.

He said how they would be performing another test called a Flow Test,

which looks closer at the cells and actually can tell if they are cancerous.

In the meantime he wanted to sit down with Matt and I and ask us a few questions about Bella,

incase it was Aplastic Anemia and not Leukemia.  

There are different causes for Aplastic Anemia and he needed to weed out some of the possibilities just by asking us questions.

So we waited some more, being told that they couldn't guarantee results that night, but if they

heard anything they would let us know.

Prayers were being said everywhere, those close to us that knew, prayed harder than they ever had.

Our friends Sasha and Jeucey came with dinner, and as we started to eat, Dr. Fair came through the door.

With a calm look on his face, along with a smile, he told us that it was NOT Leukemia!

Tears of joy strolled down all of our faces, hugs were everywhere, and I was on cloud 9.

We were all so excited and crazy, that little Bella got scared...it was so funny.

We assured her they were "happy tears" and that we were all excited!

We immediately grabbed hands and said a prayer to our Heavenly Father, 

thanking him for this miracle that we had just witnessed.

I knew that prayers were heard, that Bella for whatever reason was spared of Cancer.

In every 50 cases where Leukemia is expected, only 1-2 end up not being that.

She was the miracle.

I have never had a day where I was at the lowest of lows, and highest of highs all within 24 hrs.

Needless to say, we all slept better that night.

Her loved ones who had been praying so hard and earnestly for her were relieved and so happy.

God hears our prayers, and loves us, and I KNEW that whatever was in store with AA, 

I would be able to handle it.  

I felt peace knowing I could, not that it would be easy, but that I could.

Why We Knew Something Was Wrong

I get asked all the time...

 "How did you know something was wrong?" 

"Why did you take her to the Dr. in the first place?"

About a week and a half before we took her to the doctor, she was bruising easily, and had a lot of bruises.

I asked Matt about it, and he said not to worry, and that she is a crazy, active toddler.

She def is both of those things, so I didn't worry.

Well, the Friday before came and I went to change her diaper and she had a
huge purple/blackish bruise on her hip-like she had hit her hip bone on something.

The bruise was not normal though for just hitting your hip.

We both started researching online, obviously seeing the worst case scenario-which was scary (Leukemia).

I came across a blog where the scenario was similar to Bella, but the little girl had petechia all over her body.
Petechia are tiny red dots, which are tiny blood vessels that have burst.
This little girl had a disease called ATP where the body isn't making any platelets-
causing it to bruise and have the broken blood vessels.

At this point though Bella did not have any petechia, only bruises.  

The next day (Saturday) I went to lay her down for her afternoon nap, and I noticed tiny little red dots underneath her eyes.

Having read that just the night before, I knew that it was petechia.  

It was only on her face at this point, and her energy was the same, and she hadn't been sick at all.  

I had even thought to myself right before all of this "Wow, we haven't been sick in a long time".

We both KNEW that we needed to take her in on Monday to see her pediatrician.  

I absolutely love Bella's pediatrician,  He has been both Ty & Bella's pediatricican, and as long as I live in Utah I will go to him.  

His name is Dr. Bradley Anderson, and when you think of a perfect Dr. (caring, thoughtful, dedicated, and particular), he is that Dr..

We took her in and started telling him what was going on, and I'll never forget when he said,
"Well, you definitely have my attention". 

After looking at her, and knowing she hadn't had any fevers or fatigue-he told us it was probably ITP.  

He wanted to get a CBC (complete blood count) though just to rule out anything more serious (like Leukemia).

He said he would let us know between 5:30-7 that night when he got the results back.  

If it was something more serious, we would probably hear from him sooner.

As you can imagine, my phone didn't leave my side.

At 4pm I got a call from Dr. Anderson...my heart dropped and tears filled my eyes.

Dr. Anderson immediately said,"We got the results back and her levels don't look good, all three levels are extremely low and I am admitting her to Primary Childrens, you need to take her right away."

I literally felt like someone had punched me in the stomach, I couldn't breath and I feared the worst.

We got off the phone and just held each other, trying to feel something other than terror and fear.
Tyler knew something was wrong, and started crying as well.  He said,
"I don't want Bella to be sick, this doesn't sound good."
He could feel it all too well, but we told him how Bella's blood wasn't working right,
and she just needed to get some new blood.  His little tender heart was broken, and he loves his sister so much.

We woke up Bella from her nap, packed our bags, and headed to the hospital.

I remember feeling like I was in a dream, like it wasn't real, and that our baby girl was completely fine.

The whole way up to the hospital Bella kept asking us where we were going.

She never asked me that, and I realized because I would always tell her
beforehand where we were going as we were getting ready.

Not knowing what to say, and wanting to just burst out crying, Matt calmly answered and said,

"we are going to a big building Bella, does that sound fun?"

"Sure Daddy" she said.  It was THE longest drive of my life.

Dear Bella...

Dear Bella,

I want you to know that I am writing this as you sit across from me, eating dinner in your cute little cupcake jammies.
I look at you, with tears in my eyes, and I am filled with overwhelming love for you!

How did I get so lucky to have such a sweet, spunky, hilarious, beautiful little girl?

You are exactly what I wanted, and even more than I ever dreamed.

I want you to know all of my feelings and thoughts as we go through this journey with you.

I want you to know how much you mean to us, and to every single person that has ever met you.

As you read this someday, I hope it comforts you, strengthens you, and lets you know how much you are truly loved.

I know Heavenly Father has a plan for you, and he LOVES you.

I know that I am your Mom for a reason, that you were sent to me so I can help you throughout your life,
especially during times of trial.

I love you Bella babe, and know that you will be better soon.

Love, 

Mommy