ER

Yesterday started off great...

we celebrated Uncle Craigy's Birthday at our house with the whole family, it was so refreshing!

We also met with Dr. Fair at Primary's and discussed with him the other treatments we have been researching.

Dave, Craig, Matt, and I all met with him and shared all the info and concerns we had.

He was so open minded and was interested in learning more about the HD Cytoxan.

I felt SO much better sharing all the info, and letting her Dr. know what and how we were feeling.

Dr. Fair said he would research it all a little more, review it with the other Oncologists/Hematologists and get back to us.

I left feeling like a huge load had been taken off my shoulders, and knew it was important to hear their opinions.

Bella had been getting more bruises, petechia, and her little mouth started bleeding during the party.

We knew her platelets were low, but the plan was to take her in this morning (Monday morning)

and get her CBC here at AF Hospital, and then they would send the results up to Primary's. 

Well late last night around 10pm, she started getting a bloody nose.

We knew that we needed to watch those carefully, especially if it didn't stop bleeding after a couple hrs.

Well she just kept crying out in her crib "I'm bleeding Mom, I'm bleeding"...she did this off and on for almost 2 hrs.

Finally I went into her room and decided I would bring her in our room.

I picked her up and she started to gag, so I rushed her over to her dresser and she threw up a lot-and it was all bloody.

My heart dropped, I yelled for Matt, and we hurried and called Primary's.

I told the nurse she had just thrown up a bunch of blood, and she asked me if she had a bloody nose.

She then told me that was normal if they have had a bloody nose...

the blood drains down their throat into their stomach-making them nauseous and throwing up.

She said to actually lean her over and pinch the bridge of her nose, trying to help it form a blood clot. 

She said her platelets were most likely REALLY low, and if it didn't stop we would need to take her in.

Well as we sat there in the bathroom, trying to help her nose stop bleeding-she got more and more pale.

She then threw up more blood 3 more times.

She started teetering back and forth, closing her eyes like she was fainting.

We knew right then that she needed help, her little tiny body was shutting down.

We drove as fast as we could to the AF Hospital.

We called Primary's on the way and told them what was happening, and asked them if they could

transfuse her at AF Hospital...they weren't sure, but said they could rush her up to them if they needed to.

It all happened so fast.

Once again, I felt like I was in a dream.

By the time we got to the hospital (less than 5 min away),

she had bled from her nose through an entire hand towel...she was loosing so much blood.

When we arrived they quickly admitted her and started to help her.

They started by giving her liquids through IV, and started cauterizing her nose to help it stop bleeding.

They gave her zofran for the nausea, cause she threw up again when we got in the room.

Her blood pressure was down, and she was the palest I've ever seen her-you couldn't even see her lips.

The ER Dr. came back and told me her platelets were at 2, which is the lowest they have ever been.

She was so out of it.  She was limp in my arms, and there was nothing I could do.

I have never felt so helpless, and so afraid of what I saw.

As tears came down my face, Matt assured me she would be ok.

At this point I REALLY realized how sick our little Bella Mae was.

Up until this point, she has been energetic and her overall appearance has been mostly normal.

When they tell you how serious this disease is, and how she is high risk-

you believe them, but it's hard for it to sink in cause she acts "normal" most of the time.

I knew now what they were talking about.

Without transfusions and antibiotics, our little girl wouldn't be with us.

Once again, what a blessing to have modern day medicine...that we can call and order blood to be transfused.

They had ordered platelets and red blood so she could be transfused, but it would take 2-3 hrs. to arrive.

I wanted to stay with her, so Matt went back home to be with Ty.

I laid there will her all night, and she didn't sleep until 7am when they took the IV out of her hand.

Her blood pressure came up, her nose stopped bleeding, and she started getting color back.

I was so glad that everything went well with the transfusions, and that we could go home.

As I sat there and watched her sleep, holding her tiny little bandaged hand, I couldn't help but think of Christ.

How was Heavenly Father able to watch Christ suffer and die for all of us?

As I sat there and thought of this, and how hard it was just for me to see Bella last night,

I was overwhelmed with love and sympathy for my Heavenly Father, and I KNEW he KNEW how I felt.

He knew and Christ knew cause he personally felt it himself.

What a simple, beautiful glimpse of what the atonement is about.

I was fortunate to have Bella with me, safe and sound...and finally sleeping.

I don't know what else this little girl will have to go through,

but I know she is being watched over, protected, and loved by so many here and in Heaven.

How lucky I was to be with her, and how lucky I am to be her Mom.