Just 1 Month

The last week and a half has been surreal, as we have seen Bella's levels continue to drop.

Matt took her to her Monday Clinic Apt. and her retic had dropped from 18.5 to 13-
making it where it was from the beginning before they started to go up.

On Sunday I got up and went to a different ward so both of us could go to church that day-Matt had stayed home with Bella the previous week, so it was my turn this week.

I needed some spiritual uplifting, and I needed to show my Heavenly Father that I needed him,

 and to renew my covenants with him.  It was important to me.

After sacrament I went to my car and I was overwhelmed.

I told my Heavenly Father how hard this was for me, and how I didn't know how this would turn out,

but I had faith in him and what he knew what was best for Isabella.

I asked him, I begged him, that no matter what was to happen-

to just PLEASE give me the strength (mentally & physically) to take it all on.

Some days I feel as though I can conquer this journey with her,

and some days I feel like I am weak, and that it is all just too much- especially thinking of her going through a BMT.

I know he heard my prayer, I felt him.  

I felt so much lighter and renewed, and I felt the Spirit so strong.

How lucky I was to feel such peace and comfort sitting in my car, once again trying to figure my emotions and feelings.

When Monday came and her levels were still low, I took it in stride.

Matt and I both felt like Bella needed another blessing, and felt like we should go to the temple.

Late Monday night Dr. Fair called and told me how he had talked with Dr. Pulcifer (the BM specialist),

and that after looking at her trends, he wanted to give Bella 1 more month to respond.

This would put her at 4 months from when she started the immunosupression.

He said how some children can be "late bloomers" and it can take their bodies more time to respond,

and even though her levels were continually dropping-they had responded and they could still respond more.

He said how in 1 Month she would need to be transfusion independent in order to not do a transplant.

Her platelets will need to remain at at least 20, and her red blood count at 7.

These are BIG improvements in a short amount of time, but can be done.

After talking to him I felt better, even more calm.

I liked that Dr. Pulcifer still had faith that her body could respond.

I also had some closure in knowing we have a time frame, and mentally I can prepare more.

Matt and I both knew that a blessing was definitely needed, not only for Bella, but for our whole family.

Tuesday night we headed to Nanna & Pappa's and they babysat the kiddos while we went to the temple.

I knew that we both would feel peace and comfort there, and that sounded soo good!

Before we went into to the temple we sat and talked in the car.

Matt explained to me how hard this has been on him, but he needed to use the Priesthood to bless Bella, and that through that power-she could be healed.

I felt the peace in that, and I knew she could be healed as well.

The temple was refreshing, and it stood out to me how all our covenants we make there

are through our faithfulness. We headed back and I was excited for us all to receive blessings.

Before we started the blessings, Pappa talked to us about the blessings and how it usually depends on

whoever is receiving the blessing to have the Faith that it will work.

In this case with Bella being so young, the Faith depended on us.

If we have the Faith in the Priesthood, she can be and will be healed.

This was EXACTLY what Matt had felt and had explained to me.

Tears came to my eyes, and the Spirit filled the room.

I felt overwhelmed by how grateful I was for the Gospel and the POWER of the Priesthood.

We all received blessings, and we all left feeling renewed and peaceful. 

I don't know what will happen over these next 4 weeks, just like this whole journey it is a waiting game.

But I DO know that through our faithfulness, Bella WILL be healed...

wether that is through this treatment, or through a BMT, she will be ok and she will be healed.

I have to do my part, and I have to remind myself daily that if it does come down to a transplant-

how lucky we are that there IS a second option and a cure for this.

I mentally am preparing for it all, and I am trying my hardest to treasure these four weeks with her

exactly the way she is...happy and just herself!

This next month is life changing.

This whole journey has been life changing.

I look at Bellas sweet little face each day, and I am overwhelmed with love and joy just looking at her.

She is SO strong, and brave.

She brings light to everyone that is around her.

She takes everything in stride and goes on as if nothing ever happened.

I love her more than I ever thought I could love, and I would go through a million transplants for her if that is what she needed.

I simply need her, and I will do everything I can to make this journey easier for her!